Domagick 30 Day Challenge- Transition Meditations Day 5

Woke up slightly earlier, so blogging while memory is fresh.

Body: Usual affirmations. Feeling positive.

Mind: Reviewed negative media influences about transgender specifically and queer in general. A lot of trans jokes have been made over the year. Sometimes in good taste, but very rarely treating trans women as anything more than punchlines and that men who sleep with them are somehow lesser. It's really little wonder there is so much built up fear and resistance in the face of it. Some sock puppets, some alternate time lining of what media portrayal could and should be.

Soul: Entered and found myself in yoga wear with a semi-realistic depiction of what I might be like if I continue with yoga and get on hormones. Hopefully a fun preview.

I gave an all call to my inner world for who wants to show up and talk to me and got the statue. The statue is sort of my animus, a kind of archetype of inner maleness. Stony, stoic, rigid, strong, unmoving. And they felt I was making a sort of mistake. Rather than being destructive or belittling, I let the statue know that this is how I felt, but that his own inner archetype had been altered in negative fashion by the world around him too. How that stoicism and perfect emotionless invulnerability was, in a way, representative of the negative patriarchal values instilled him. As it dawned on me and him that he was being limited in an unfair way, he suddenly softened to a more positive version of the male archetype, strong and caring. Sharing a hug seemed to seal that in place.

I also talked to Physapkward, an inner demon I had invented once to deal with my social fears. For a time, banishing them worked to banish my more shy nature and allow me to socialize and get involved with things. However, as I heal myself internally the need for Physapkward has largely diminished, so I decided to see how they were doing. They once had a mirror they wore that only showed ugliness, but the mirror had cracked. I gave Phys a hug as well and thanked them for being of help to me, which caused a transformation from ugliness to beauty. I know had this very cute anime girl with a massive peacock tail and a beauty reflecting mirror on her neck- a narcism demon versus the negative self image from before. She confirmed as such, and is a good little reminder of not to let my self love and positive image go beyond the boundaries into delusion.

Finally, there is some fear again, this one being a fear of madness, looking much like an asylum patient in a green medical gown- slightly fem, but wild eyed and knife wielding. I didn't have time to resolve, so I put them in a straight jacket onto a medical gurney to talk later.

Results: I feel really really happy right now and feel happier being myself than I have in a while. Learning to love yourself piece by piece and removing and redeeming things you no longer need can really work wonders. It's only day 5, I'm smiling, and thinking about what I might feel by day 30 puts a much bigger grin on my face.