Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Do Magick 30 Day Challenge- Transition Meditations Day 27

Body: Usual affirmations.


Mind: Went through a shopping trip, seeing an alternate version where I was transitioned and confident, checking out more clothes and things, giving myself a boost for the things I did do, like look into some hair dye.

Soul: I was some kind of ice ballerina, almost anorexic skinny. Fragile felt like the right word. I went into an ice rink, giant fish breaking the surface to devour me. I skated around them, occasionally shooting them with pistols, trying to figure out what they meant. When I finally thought back to my time at sea, the rink became a frozen ocean, a boat upon it. I approached the boat, a boat I had once been on, remembering my time there. Internally, I was still on the fence about things at that time, not willing to embrace or accept who I was on the inside. I also didn't value my life.

It wasn't that I was suicidal, only that I felt no fear of death, because my life seemed meaningless. During a surprise drill, my bunkmate looked terrified. I barely felt anything.

It's different now. I feel worth in my life at this point, and would rather not lose it too soon. Like a television show that just started getting good, I'm really looking forward to the next season.

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