Woke up dehydrated to the Nth degree. I'd drank nearly two glasses of liquid before bed, figuring I would need to get up and go to the bathroom. Instead, I get up early drink two more, try to sleep some more, and drink two more again upon waking from my alarm.
That being said, meditation still got done.
Body: Usual affirmations. The repetition can be, at times, repetitious. Its like my mind knows it so well it's speeding it up.
Mind: Today I visited childhood memories, from before I started having gender dysphoria. Looking into my childhood behavioral patterns, I wasn't really all male or female. Our understanding of gender psychologically was rather limited at the time, and society quite against anything challenging the norm. As such, I built some bits of parallel time line, pondering how different things might have been had I been raised now, or raised in an even more enlightened future. While I have a mix of traits, I believe I'm still more female than male, and perhaps, in an alternate timeline, I might have realized it much earlier.
Soul: I went in on a mission to deal with hunger. Vain, but I want to lose some weight while transitioning or at least maintain where I'm at, and I feel as if my ravenous appetite is out of synch with my goals. Descending, a pool ladder brought me into water, and into a vast sea. My hunger manifested as enormous fish, fish which I netted and modified to a smaller size.
After that, I was approached by a manifestation of my inner warrior. While I've not gotten into a violent altercation in my entire adult life, I do have violent thoughts, something I thought rather masculine. There's concern from the warrior that transition will sap me of physical strength. This will likely be true to a degree. But ultimately, conflicts are far more often settled by words then fist fights, and like it or not, my inner warrior was going to have to get with the program.
Unexpected, by a female scientist looking a lot like Moon Girl suddenly showed up near the end of my meditation. I think this may be an unconscious poking to examine stereotypes of masculine and feminine traits in my mind. I've got the same background cultural brainwashing of a life time of television, movies, and media as everyone else, and I'm sure it's not all true or good stuff.
Results: Nothing super spectacular today so far. Feeling good, practicing my voice in the car.
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