Domagick 30 Day Challenge- Transition Meditations Day 3

Body: Affirmations as normal.

Mind: Worked on some memories of exercising where I had found myself hoping to gain a body where I'd be comfortable cross dressing, among others. Still finding green ducks.

Soul: My avatar of myself in innerspace seems layered, multiple energy bodies I've used before being present, if not the outer layer or layer presented. Today I explored my body like a dungeon crawl, just to see if I find anything. Mostly, I found more green ducks, gaining a Five Nights at Freddy type appearance. I just start collecting them, figuring they were just tiny fears, burning them away as I went through.

I also had an encounter with two childhood avatars, one being a little boy who seemed mostly confused, another being a raging teenage homophobia and fear. The fear of being labeled queer or gay in high school was definitely a thing, and while I didn't hate gay people at the time, I'd distanced myself and put up a strong barrier. It was only in college I really took a look at things and tried to be better than that. But this avatar of fear was very hard to assuage.

In the end, I thanked them, because while they did things wrong, they were protective instincts, trying to keep me safe. That part of me trying to avoid further hurt from bullying, hurt I'd gained even without a queer identity, was just a fear response trying to minimize the chances of being abandoned or hurt, real possibilities at the time.

For all I know, being ready then might have been the wrong time, and those may have been necessary brakes to put on. But since we've survived to now, we have a chance to correct it, and those fears can be quelled, getting to enjoy the burgeoning of a self and reality we've only ever dreamed of.


Results: I'm feeling pretty chipper right now. I got some good transition advice from friends last night. I'm going to take things at whatever pace feels comfortable. I think some fun shirts worn more regularly might be in the near future.