Writing down experiences from morning now in the afternoon.
Body: Usual affirmations.
Mind: I went for memories of courage and cowardice, trying to remember times I've done well by speaking up and being myself versus the many times I've been afraid. I tried to shore up memories of courage fail with Courage badges, pep talks, and alternate histories, while cheering myself on for my courageous moments. I think I may need to revisit the fear narratives more and see how I can fix. Maybe I just need to make up for them with real life action?
Soul: So, this time I had a mission, to find my humor. I'm not saying I'm really funny, but people laugh a lot when I'm around. So, hunting for my humor, I get pelted with pies and eventually find a brightly colored clown. She's cracking up, and she only manages to talk when she does a silly voice. So, it's like the light side of my humor. The dark side is a sad, sad clown, and I feel the pain. It's the one that's shabby, and male, and miserable, and just makes jokes to cheer themselves up enough to operate- which was closer to what I was looking for. So, I thank them because they were the one that let me know something was wrong, that I wasn't happy, and say that things are going to get better. That works well and seems to undo some damage, sad female clown replacing the miserable male one. Progress!
Additionally, I looked into my sexual identity, personified, male and female. Mumble, mumble, NC-17, mumble, won't get into details beyond coming more to terms with my bisexuality and preferences.
Results: Felt very positive in the morning. I got very, very close to telling a coworker about my gender identity today, but it got awkward. I'm hoping, with a little more time, I can get past these barriers in my mind. I know not everyone is going to understand or approve, but I need to get to a place where I stop caring what they think and go forward anyway.
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