Monday, April 30, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 30

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction.

It felt lighter today. Like... like it was already done. I'm having a hard time being objective. I want to accomplish so many things, and I've felt as if I've had routes cut off for me, only for others to open up. It's definitely going to be an intensive review come tomorrow.

I'm also thinking, I may continue this practice for a bit past the 30 days, keep blogging, until I solidly have the progress I want.

Results: Today I wore my pink hoodie while doing the magick, then took it to work. While I didn't wear it at work (didn't want to get it dirty) I did wear it to lunch. It was like a psychic assault on normality. People's jaws dropped, others grasped for words, and some spoke when others would have kept their mouth shut. Considering this is nothing compared to the drastic changes I intend for my life, I look forward to pushing the boundaries further.

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 27-29

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction.

Busy day. Headed to work early so I could leave early to make it to a film festival where my short would be playing. My alarm didn't go off, so I had to run to work without time for the magick, but after reading Prometheus Rising, I just kept repeating to myself that everything will work out better than I planned it. At that point, I was actually excited by the prospect of doing the magic at a horror convention. New energies, new environment, slightly different mold.

So, when I finally get there through a storm of bad traffic, I start doing the magick in a dark theater watching some horror comedy. I can concentrate well enough to make do, but the flavor was different- dark and fun. It was like my inner goth girl was coming out to play. I managed to get my mold mostly back on track, but I think one of the subpersonality components of my future self is certainly making an appearance.

Results: Danced like a fiend at a party and felt fantastic. Showing of my film went well. Some potential opportunities for future filming brought up. All in all, in the right direction.

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction.

Still at the horror convention, and finally got a little time alone to work on magick. Went really hard, but it didn't feel hard, it felt amazing. Amped shield, mold, energy, synchronized, trance danced my butt off on the reintroduction. I feel fantastic, but results may still be in the works.

Results: Nothing I could directly trace. Things with film are very slow burn, nothing immediately developing, though absorbed any knowledge I could for future endeavors.

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction.

Another round in the movie theater. It was a little trickier to get into place, different future versions of myself seeming to cut in, but I realize they're all equally valid. Raised less of a shield, less energy deepening, reintroduction went well.

Results: Well, some guy grabbed me inappropriately. I do have to wonder what possessed him to think that was the right action.


Thursday, April 26, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 26

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction.

I shielded very hard, molded hard, energy hard, and reintroduced with a great deal of trance wiggle/dance.

Results: Yesterday I did get a little writing done, and found some potential places to move. While not exactly financial stabilizing, it is a necessary change in my lifestyle to have my own place to live.

I also had a brief spontaneous vision of sitting with some kind of meditation guru, finding myself a eunuch. Not sure if past life or maybe just a subconscious message or spirit visitation, or something else, but it seems relevant.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 25

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction.

This morning, I boosted the shield and mold dimensionally, rather than just energetically. It's a push into other realms, spirit worlds, astral planes, however you look at it, to reflect the reality I'm creating.

It feels powerful, a direct path from best present to best future.

Results: Will edit and add if the day shows any promise.


Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 24

Shield, Mold, Energy, Synchronize, Reintroduction (x3)

So, today was a very long day, as I had an appointment with my doctor to talk about HRT under the informed consent model.

So, I did the magick before I left in the morning.

Then I did it again while I was at the hospital.

And a third time while waiting for my doctor.

I did this partially as the results from trying the magic at different locations had some pretty drastic effects on the mold. It was also as I was hoping for this to be a good day.

It was not. I actually felt the disappointment starting before my doctor even came in, and I knew it would not be good news. My doctor was sort of clueless on what I was asking and far less helpful than I had hoped. Basically a waste of my time, beyond, I suppose, learning it was a waste of my time.

I may have to travel to Chicago to get this to work out, but I'm not letting one small hurdle stop me. Just probably can't manage it this month.

Results: Well, I'm getting better with my voice. I feel like the future I'm aiming for is in my sites, I just don't know if it will manifest as much as I'd like in the next 6 days.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 23

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction.

So, waking up, I feel great today before magic, and magic seems to make it feel better. Not sure why- I'm waking up a lot earlier today than I prefer but I feel pretty and alive.

Today's operation was gentle. No real trance dancing, not a whole lot of energy, but I feel amazing.

Results: Nothing late stage yesterday that was particularly affirming/damning, but I feel a shift in myself. It may be the change I need to achieve my goals.


Sunday, April 22, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 22

Shield, mold, energy, synch, reintroduction.

Today I did my magick at work, though not during work. House felt too busy this morning, and I thought it might be a mistake, but I was having trouble focusing.

I was wrong. Magick at work was great. I shielded harder, molded more thoroughly, and post synchronization, I trance danced enough to get a work out. I felt refreshed and recharged after a very low energy morning.

Observations: Work is a science place, so it had some natural resistance to my changes, which is why I had to go a little harder for the process. Additionally, the mold had slipped in a very business type direction, which is interesting. Whether a result of mental process or energy of place, I almost want to try some other locales and see what kind of 'slips' I get.

Results: Felt pretty good today. Got time off for a film festival I've got a film playing at. Nothing else amazing on the financial, gender transition, or magic AF levels, but positive energy is definitely up.


Saturday, April 21, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 20 & 21

Day 20:

Shield, Mold, Energy, Synchronize, Reintroduction.

Today's was a good one. Trance broke a sweat dancing, and I felt out the mold slipping a little further, most variations simply being manifestations of the main mold. It was like I already have the car, and I was just slipping into some different gears, so to speak.

I was also struck by the idea of not just being my best future self, but being my best present for the day. It struck a chord and I ran with it.

Results: It was a pretty awesome day. Nothing super femme or fame or financial, but I was pretty god damn entertaining at metaphysics discussion. Labarodora.

Day 21:

Shield, Mold, Energy, Synchronize Reintroduction

I sort of picked up on what I was putting down yesterday, being my best self to start. I also let go my occasional hang up of feeling things NEED to be hard. I've built up my energetic practice and reflexes for a reason, so sometimes I just need to trust myself and do the thing.

My dance was reduced to wiggle on the couch, but sometimes that's life.


Thursday, April 19, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 19

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduce.

This was a very low energy operation in all senses of the word- no trance dancing, just sitting down, shielding, molding, synchronizing, and reintroduction. I don't think the magic work is wiping me out so much as a lack of sleep and all the dieting. Attempts to exercise in the morning were futile- I felt like I was ready to fall over as soon as I started.

Results: Nothing really drastic. Some clothing I ordered got cancelled, which sort of miffs me, as I was going to wear them to an event, but one door closes, another opens. I figure it's money saved for something else I can get.

Tomorrow morning I have to get up extra early for work, so while I can probably do the magic, it's likely going to be a late post or double post the next day.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 18

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduce.

Did all these steps, but I felt a large mental block today. I didn't want to do it, so I cleanse a bunch, grounded, tried to get myself in order.

Mold slipped again.

Synchronizing was brutal. It was synched as much as I could but it seemed to be just slightly off kilter.

Reintroduction felt messy.

I might have a second go at it today after some lunch.

Results: Nothing big. Just continuing to take action and push forward on all fronts.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 17

Light shielding, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction.

The shielding was even lighter today, but more expansive. I stretched it as far as I could, though visualization does not always equal effect.

The mold had shifted a bit, and I adjusted it back, though it wasn't a bad version of the future. I took a little more time to ensure this version was still the best fit.

Synchronizing and reintroduction were relatively light and easy.

Results: My femme voice keeps slipping out, which is kind of nice honestly, since I'm trying to replace my normal voice. Lots of work still ahead.

Monday, April 16, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 16

Shielding, molding, energy, synchronize... cat... cat.... calm down cat...omg my roommate's are being loud... glad this isn't the meditation challenge... synchronize, reintroduction.

I didn't trance dance this morning. I woke up tired and it seems this morning was destined to be noisy. Very distracting.

In order to prevent  the first steps taken from being further disrupted, I sat down for the reintroduction and closed my eyes, keeping focus, making sure it was all going well. This is the last day of my work week, so hopefully I'll be less tired/interrupted tomorrow.

Results: Got compliments on my voice yesterday. Worked out in the morning.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 15

Shield, mold, energy, synch, reintroduce.

Today was an easy one. My mold was in place, my energies raised and lowered appropriately, reintroduction was about as tricky as usual, but overall, went very smooth.

Results: I managed to come out to my boss and a friend at work yesterday. Feels a lot more real now. Some good leads on HRT should my primary care physician not pan out. Got time off for MCN. Pretty much things are all going in the direction I need them to.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 14

Shield, mold.... loading... loading... analyzing... loading... mold, energy, synchronize, and reintroduction through synchronization.

Today's was a bit of a doozy. I'd somehow fallen way out of synch, on track for a good, but not quite as good future version of myself slipping into the mold spot. That set me to analyzing to make sure that my better future self was the right better future self, which then became sort of a distracting journey of finding an alternate future version of myself that is possible only in a slightly different reality, the one I'm aiming for, and the one that future me will probably be aiming for.

So, all in all, it took me about 15-20 minutes on just the mold step today, having to investigate and realign different possibilities.

After getting that back on track, making sure I'm not missing other better opportunities, I had a little difficulty getting the reintroduction rolling. Very light dance with my trance, it was a mental block as I'm slowly sliding into the mindset of this new me- not completely different, obviously, but there's some things I'm embracing, including internalizing the term Ergi. Doing so gave me a rush of energy, sent lightning coursing through me.

Results: I ordered some new clothes for myself. When they arrive, I'm going to destroy/donate an equal number of old items as I transition my wardrobe. I've lost ~4lbs so far dieting.


Friday, April 13, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 13

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduce (via synchronization).

Another round of this. It feels like the future me I want is gelled into place, but I'll keep up the operation in case things slip out of place. Also to keep it from being a domagick 13.

Results: Had a very good conversation with a friend about changing pronouns yesterday. I think it's definitely just about time.


Thursday, April 12, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 12

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, & reintroduce (via synchronizing).

Operation was the same today overall, with a much smaller height to the energy after checking on the mold and making sure it lined up properly. Reintroduction was more of a synchronization, the energy reintroducing to the universe like a natural fit puzzle piece, as if it had always been.

Results: Hard to say. Nothing 100% tangible, but there are little threads here and there- glimpsed at a book I didn't know existed called Hermaphrodeities. a transgender spirituality workbook, that looks fascinating. Can't say much yet, but perhaps it will help me on my way.

Feel like I've got some major moves to make soon. I've got four criteria, and while I feel I've made some progress in female presenting (doctor appointment), movies (new screenplay started and meeting with film friends), & magic AF (absorbing more books and doing more practice), the financially sound one feels a little neglected. I also think I need to get further on all of these goals if I can. Still have 18 more days!

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 11

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize... and synchronize?

I listen to my intuition most of the time. I felt like the big energy shield, intense molding, were not necessary, which does make sense considering the 10+ days previous using the technique. Like sculpting, the big pieces go first, and from there, finer details.

With an almost ghostly thin shield and slight energy raise, rather than lower the shield, I synchronized it with the energy of the universe along with the energy within me,  very subtly putting all the signals of new me to be back into the world. It's like it's truth.

Results: Took a long walk this morning, realized one of the things I need to resolve.

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 10

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduce.

Today I woke up later from a rather late night- Tuesdays are my weekend so I stayed up a little. My morning void magic was delayed until after a shower and roommates left house.

I made it a point to attach the shield to me so I could dance around the house, rather than within a small sphere. Molding prior to adjustment was a relatively realistic assessment for the near future, but I'm pushing to get the mold just a little further to ensure smooth path to the better future self. I pushed the energy much less today- instinct seemed to suggest the subtlety would work better than hammering the change in. Synched and reintroduced, the final synchronization spent on the floor- I think I brought my energy too into baseline, my future self requiring/running on more, and the difference feeling stark in a bad way.

So I took in some energy post ritual and took a seat to write up this post.

 Results: Nothing much of note yesterday. Still on diet, still working on voice, still exercising.


Monday, April 9, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magick Day9

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, and reintroduction.

Cleansed before this session. I generally cleanse at least once a day, but felt like I needed an additional before starting today.

Felt a little harder today. End of the work week. I did not charge stronger today, getting a little less than the level yesterday. Trance dancing is starting to feel almost like squeezing a sponge or working a drain, getting the excess energy out in a very physical way.

Results: Hard to say. Feel good each time I complete a session, affirming, and I start practicing voice lessons in car, exercising still, but nothing too reality warping. My head was in a fog yesterday due to low carb haze. Hopefully I can move past that.


Sunday, April 8, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 8

Shield, Mold, Energy, Synch, and Reintroduction.

Shield was smaller today, both due to leaving alone my roommates- and cats. It's not that I expected the cats getting into my shields would hurt them (thought I kind of gave the cats matching mini-shields in case it did so they could slip in and out as needed), but I didn't want to muck up my magic or them by not taking them into account.

Mold seems to be settling more or less. I've had to adjust it less each day.

Energy level went higher, and trance dancing during reintroduction was intense enough that I broke a sweat. I only started noticing it in the last few minutes, but its good enough a sweat that I feel like I got an early morning workout.

Results: I've had a talk with my manager about the direction of my new screenplay. Got a few ideas buzzing in my head after some brainstorming, so think it could work out. Slow, but feels like forward momentum.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magick Day 7

Feeling pretty sleepy tired today. Honestly, work has been stressful, and I've been dieting along with exercising. Keeping hydrated as best I can.

Anyhow, that's just preface to doing my void magick while laying on my back today. Increased energy levels, but decided to keep the shield a little tighter, to better not bother roommates (hadn't happened, but could). Even while on my back on the floor, my body wanted to move, so I sort of wiggled in place, before eventually going up on my knees and swaying a little.

Results: Nothing I noticed yesterday. This morning, I feel pretty good post exercise. Not quite miracle cure, but better than before I started. Maybe a bit of endorphin rush.

Friday, April 6, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magick Day 6

Standard shield, mold, energy, synch, and reintroduction. Amplified energy again, widened the shield to about room sized. Dancing was still there, seemed to go up and down- I tried not to force it, my body is feeling a little achy today.

Results: Yesterday, I got a compliment on my hair being particularly feminine- I did nothing different with it. Also did a little work on movie contacts- not all forward momentum, but progress none the less.


Thursday, April 5, 2018

Domagick 30 Alchemy- Void Magick Day 5

Shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction.

Today was on my feet again, and on reintroduction, I danced in place. I made everything a little stronger than the day before and I made the shield a little bigger. I think I'm going to try and keep expanding that too, to kind of plug these changes into reality a little more.

Results: Got my doctor appointment. Now, how that appointment goes could be as important as getting it. Also back in communication with many of my movie contacts. No big news, but it's a step in the right direction.

On the downside, I got rejected for an apartment application. Maybe not related, but authenticity and all that- my life isn't all roses by any means.

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 4

Same process- shield, mold, energy, synchronize, reintroduction- but I did it on my feet today. I've tried both standing and sitting the past few days as well as my first tries at the technique prior to the challenge.

I pushed the shield, energy and mold further today, synchronized, but on reintroduction, I began dancing. I've tranced and danced before, but it feels so spontaneous with this work, I think it must be part of getting toward the better me. Dancing is my favorite form of exercise, and if I keep at it, I can lose weight, shape muscle, and feel good about my body, so it seems like a winner.

Result: So, my therapist just happened to have information I needed to get in contact with my PCP. Getting in touch with them is a useful step on my way to transition, so I'll be trying to schedule an appointment today.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 3

So, operation went as normal. I've been slowly amplifying the intensity of all the steps each day, just a bit more energy, bit deeper void, a bit stronger shield. I don't think I'll continue this trend through the whole 30, but if it feels as if I'm getting results, who knows?

My trance state was much more fidgety, and after I finished, I felt like dancing, and did, probably for about 15 minutes or more. I've exercised every day since starting, and I think that trying to get the body and life I want will require that physical element. I'm definitely thinking I'm going to follow my passion as best I can during this process.

I'm feeling a lot freer, even more so than during my transition meditations. Those meditations seemed to me to be the refining and sealing of my intent, where this is the actual attainment of said intent. I think I'll dress up today and stroll on out- fuck the haters.


Monday, April 2, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magick Day 2

Set my alarm thirty minutes earlier for time to do the magick and make the post. This avoids me trancing in the car so long the windows fog over.

Same operation as before. The only difference would be a little recalibration during the reintroducing to reality bit where the shields, energy body, and void mold are all slowly brought back to baseline. I wanted to make sure the mold I  ended with was the one I had selected. It was fine, but having checked on it, my energies had naturally ramped back up, reinforcing the mold, and requiring having to synch back up a little longer.

Results: I'm feeling really in tune with myself and reality. I'm hoping this manages to simultaneously change my world while grounding it, leading to more tangible real world gains. We'll see if anything happens today of note.

Sunday, April 1, 2018

Do Magick 30 Alchemy- Void Magic Day 1

Starting day 1, I did my operations in my car, by the numbers.

First I put up my shield, amplifying the power slowly but surely, expanding out from near my skin into a sphere, until I felt cut off from outside reality. 

I then adjusted the void of my self, the mold I fit into, to be the future me I want to be. I then reinforced the mold and my matching energy body to synch up, mostly via visualization and sense of 'feel'. 

With everything matched up, I count down as I lower the energy shield and energy levels simultaneously until back to 'normal reality'.

Effects: I exercised this morning and did female vocal exercises in the car. Nothing too extreme on day 1.