Do Magick 30 Day Challenge- Transition Meditations Day 20

Body: Usual affirmations.

Mind: Went to look at stereotypical 'feminine' past times and my experiences with them. I've sewn before, but I've not really done all the crafty stuff and wonder if I've been shorting myself an experience.

Soul: So, as soon as I enter, the stairs turn slick and I start to slide. I pause things, float, take a look, and a large snakes mouth looms at the end of the stairs. I take a moment to cleanse myself, inside and out, and look again- still a big snake mouth, still an ice slide. So, I figure this must be some kind of shadow work and slide on in.

In the dark, there is a man servant, deformed, instructing me to 'take off that thing', referring to my energy body being angelic and glowing. Figuring I ought to get more shadowy and dark, I strip it away and stand naked in my physical body, only it's even worse than it is in real life. I walk into the dark and find a tiny circus, a big top only foot high. It probably had something to do with worries about my friend and his life, being a circus fanatic and lover of tiny things. Nothing much of note happens inside, but something sneaks up behind me- a big hippo man. A theme seems to be forming.

The hippo man grabs and drags me, and as I focus on bringing myself further into the shadow work space, it all turns cyber punk. I'm in a trench coat, short shaved hair, graffiti everywhere, lights, looming buildings, and I'm hurled sprawling into a pile of trash.

A dwarf approaches, talking about selling me 'some pink', a vial of some pink substance thats the key to getting a female body. He asks what I have and I search my belongings, only finding a gun. I offer the gun and get shot with it.

"Why should I sell you anything now that I have this?"

I make his head explode with sheer will, then rip the soul out of the hippo guy. It feels like straight up Shadowrun street mage stuff and it's kind of fun. I grab the pink and begin running as Lonestar (high end rentacops) show up, and I'm invisible and fleeing. I use some barriers to run from rooftop to rooftop until I'm far enough away and go looking for a fixer to check out the goods.

At the fixer, it's another hippo man. The hippo man checks my goods and informs me that it's just strawberry milk. I drink it anyway, no real change. There's a brief discussion of what good will this stuff do me when I'm living on the streets, fighting for my life?

There's something to it, a bit defeatist. Survival first.

I don't accept it and ask if he has any other missions and he explodes. The shadowrun facade dies as the giant hippo rampages, pissed off that I'm not 'taking the lesson'. I fight back, I win, I leave, but I've been pondering it all day.

Really, there is a point. I'm currently barely hanging on as my new job's holiday interrupted schedule barely makes ends meet. I don't have my own place, or even my own room, and I'm worried about transitioning? Still, I can't let fear be the thing holding me back. I can acknowledge that I need to keep moving forward to survive while finding a path toward transition.

Quick Research: Looked up mythology and hippos, just in case. While the mythology of Set and Tarawet and hippos in general are interesting, I do not think they have direct bearing upon these meditations.