Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 28

Results: A discussion about income inequality and housing got my ire up, very intensely. I'm usually no that mad so quickly. I think I've not become more irritable, but the things that invoke my wrath seem to do so with more intensity. May have to watch out for that.

Meditation: 10 minutes, cool down 12.

Focused on sigil in car when I got home, digital, using the divination energy form, allowing the fury to flow through me, not into me. It was very warm, body temp rising, vision blurring, but not painful or causing any significant heart rate increase. Cool down combined with petting the cat for a few minutes, seemed to bring things down quickly.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 27

Meditation Length: 10 minutes, 10 minutes cooldown, 2 hour nap

I used my hand drawn sigil instead of the digital image today. Focused, summoned up the fury, and stared, ramping up energy- and I could barely keep my eyes open. The sigil blurred and my eyes fluttered over and over again, often not noticing I'd done it until a moment later. At one point, the sigil felt far away, like it was down a long tunnel. Eventually, I stopped and began the cool down meditation with rose quartz and a few table flips.

I crashed pretty hard post meditation, and definitely needed it.

During the meditation, I took a moment to switch off the safety and feel the rage more fully, but I had to turn them back on- it was brutal on my body. Treat yourselves kindly out there, magic can be rough on the body if you're not careful, and sometimes even when you are.

Bonus!: Table Sigil Pics

Monday, February 26, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 26

Meditation Length: Unsure, estimate 10-15 minutes. Cooldown five-ten minutes.

So, I decided to get my meditation done while my phone was running out of battery at a friend's house. I scribbled down a not so digital version of the sigil and got to work, using an energy form to make sure the energy would not lead to snappy snarly disturbing behavior. Without my phone, or other clock nearby, I was not sure how long I meditated, only that I went to a numeric rage count that felt rather astronomic before counting back down.

Cooldown was meditation without rose quartz.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 25

Results: Did some serious heavy lifting energy work last night. Definitely feeling like the exercise is paying off.

Meditation Length: 15 minutes +, cooldown TBD

Tired. Stared at sigil and started the engine, but it didn't feel quite as hot. There'd be some fury, some increasing energy, followed by almost nodding off. Kept at it for ~15 minutes or so.

Feeling pretty relaxed post meditation. Going to take a shower as my cooldown cleansing, with a little energy work thrown in.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 24

Results: After working with my divination energy form, I did the divination invitational at Convocation. My results were on fire. I'd do reads I think were just random nonsense, then get complimented on the uncanny results. I can't know if the divination 'stretches' before the exercise are what made it work, but it certainly seems like a possibility.

Meditation Length: ~10-15 minutes, cooldown incoming

Writing up results and exercise early today due to convocation attendance. Used no energy form, wanting to feel the rage again, but still included willpower, resistance, and healing energies to keep things from spiraling out too far. Definitely felt more, body heat rising, shaking and growling, but I got a lot further depth without feeling it was too much than I had without including other energies.

Cooldown is going to be modified from my usual sigil table flip and rose quartz meditation as they're packed up. I think today, I'll be using the shower like a radioactive detox station pure mantra meditation.

Friday, February 23, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 23

Meditation Length:13 minutes, cooldown 7 minutes

More experimentation. I used an energy form I usually reserve for divination, channeling rage from the cosmos. I found it to be very relaxed and to flow very easily, while still feeling the anger, but letting it flow through me, rather than into me. I noticed color shifts in the sigil, rainbow colors and white emanating from it rather than intense oranges and reds. No real pain, high energy outputs, pretty ordinary focus.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 22

Meditation Length: 12 minutes, 12 minute cooldown

Made it a point to cleanse before meditating, fire and water visualizations scrubbing externally and internally.

Stuck with the willpower, physical resistance, and fury combo, increasing these three energies in tandem, with some extra oomph on the will and physical resistance to avoid damage. I stopped about the point my head started to hurt a little. My cooldown involved more table flips, rose quartz meditation, and drinking a lot of water.

Results: I feel pretty fantastic honestly. Going to convocation tonight, so will be cleansing once more before setting out.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Do Magick 30 :Rage Meditation Day 21

Meditation Length: 23 minutes, cool down 7 minutes

I stuck with some of what I learned yesterday. I did two meditations in a row, one using the energy form, the other adjusting will and resistance to guard from excess rage spillover. In both cases, it felt powerful. I will say that single point makes me feel sleepy and my vision blurs every once in a while.

Energy level is definitely high afterwards. May have to start incorporating more intense grounding into my cool down.

Results: Neighbor started yelling during meditation. Hopefully, this is not spillover.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 20

Meditation Length: ~20-25 minutes, 7 minute cooldown

Today, I spent time calibrating.

First in, I tried to dial in my energy form to being 50% efficiency- this bombed, big time. Looked at the sigil, and I was raging out hard and fast.

Stop, reset.

I try the energy form alone, summoning up a secondary inner entity to assist. This gets a more smooth, focused rage, but still lacks some of the fury feeling of near berserk anger. Still trying to hit middle ground.

I give it another try and sort of make it a point to increase my 'Will' energy along with my 'Fury' energy. This works like a charm, like a hate laser spilling down from the heavens with purified intensity. This seems to be my most hitting the fury without the backlash I've managed so far.

Results: I've been told by others around me I've been more fun and positive lately if anything. Which is kind of awesome really. Been feeling joyous lately, though I think it's due to something else.

Monday, February 19, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 19

Meditation Length: 15+, cooldown ~7 minutes

Used the sigil, the rage, the energy form, and just kept staring. I perpetually built up the rage energy, and it seemed to hold nearly no limit. It may have been optical illusion, but from the corners of my eyes as I stared at the sigil, my hands seemed to be glowing. My vision blurred and, occasionally, I felt very tired, but a sleepy tired, not a worn out tired.

The downside is, I don't really feel it as strongly- no shaking, growling, spitting berserk fury, just a cold, steady stare and a certainty of wrath. The plus side is, it's not playing havoc with my body- no throat pain, no aches, no worries of heart attack. I may try some adjustments to see if I can attain a place somewhere between, with a more palpable mental anger and less physical damage.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 18

Meditation Length: 13 minutes, 10 minute cooldown

Another day of very soft rage. It's definitely fury, but it's not acting like it was with the snaps and snarls using my new energy form. Without the energy form, the fury is much like it was, but even then, it feels reduced. It could be that all the rage work is starting to reduce my reaction to angering stimuli and therefore, it's harder to get me worked up.

Results: Feeling as if my overall energy capacity is continuing to build, like these are acting as stresses or exercise for my energetic muscles.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation 17

Meditation Length: 15 minutes Cooldown: 10 minutes

Today was less dramatic than yesterday, using the same energy form technique.

No laughing or growling, and focus fury felt... very mental, less physical, but blurred my vision. The energy level I built up was further than yesterday, but the emotions were even more in control. Unsure of what to do past this point. Potentially, I will try to go back to the neutral form of this.

Friday, February 16, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 16


Meditation Length: ~16 minutes, cooldown 20 minutes

Today was a day of unexpected results.

The rage meditation feels like it really hits me in the guts and the heart, and it kind of hurts physiologically. Rather than let it start doing some real damage, I decided to create an energy form to mitigate damage. My basic technique for this is to go into astral space, create an energy duplicate, and evolve it with some evolutionary pressure, in this case, the pressure from the rage meditations.

The eventual form I end up with is kind of mixed form, where rage turns into a kind of dominating force- rather than simply destroying something, I utterly subsume and claim it, like John Carpenter's the thing. It isn't the same kind of fury, and it came out when I did the meditation.

I didn't growl or shout- I laughed. I laughed like a maniac, and as I intensified what should have been  snarling anger, I laughed harder and louder and longer. The energy was far more intense and went much further than my usual rage meditation, and I didn't feel worn out afterwards. Only at the very, very end did I growl even a little, speaking in tongues more so than anything else.

My usual cooldown didn't wind me down anywhere near as much. I was an energetic dynamo, dancing, singing, and my energy sensitive roommate let me know I was projecting many feet beyond my usual levels.

Results: I feel fantastic, and in some need of grounding, but I am feeling far more positive than my other rage meditations have left me. My energy levels feel through the roof.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 15

Meditation Length: 20 minutes Cooldown: 10+ minutes

The rage came easy this time, not even using an anchored phrase or visualization- the sigil was enough.

I decided to try length again, and rather than go for pure intensity, I tried to see if I could find a balance point, a smoldering fury that could last over time. Eventually I let loose and fired off again, this time with more restraint- it felt less powerful, but more focused. My shields didn't drop this time and I feel as if this could be an excellent banishing.

Results: Things keep breaking around me. Could be from other sources or just coincidence, but keeping an eye on it.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 14

Meditation Length: 7-10 minutes, Cooldown 10+ minutes

I let loose in my car today. Sigil staredown and I let the rage go through my body. I screamed and screamed, growling and deep to start, high pitched squealing toward the end. My throat will probably hurt tomorrow. Doing this, apparently, shredded my shields, which is pretty interesting, especially when I think what it might do to something I aimed it at.

Results: Screaming let a lot more of it out. I feel less hair trigger than I've felt post meditation since starting. Sometimes, you just have to let it out.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 13

Meditation Length: 10 minutes, cool down 10 minutes

Focus was fast and intense, and a little painful. Called it earlier as it already felt like it peaked and I was starting to get a headache. I definitely feel as if I have a workable rage state for doing spellwork, which forces me to ask what goals I should shoot for? Duration and intensity are probably the most relevant to getting a more powerful rage trance state, but I may see if I can determine any tangential routes. Maybe going for types of rage? Taste the ragebow?

Monday, February 12, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 12

Meditation Length: 14 minutes, 7 minute cooldown

Distractions abounded today, with phone texts, roommates, and other distractions breaking concentration. In some ways, all the distractions and interruptions managed to increase the state. The state of rage was very hard to shake, insistent even when I stepped away from the sigil to open a door. Was very intense white hot today.

Table flips and rose quartz meditations did the job on cool down.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 11

Meditation Length:~ 27 minutes; cool down ~7 minutes

Used the blue noise to drown out roommates and other apartment sounds. Focus was easier, but fury was a little less hot at times. Occasionally, imagery flashes and sensations became distracted. I was surprised to find that I was so close to 30 minutes this time!

Feel really at peace post cool down. Rage is still there, but its as if it's sleeping. Energy level is high, so going to incorporate some grounding post.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 10

Meditation Length: 17 minutes, 7 minute cool down

Focused on sigil. The fury was a bit more white hot, absolute. At the end, vision blurred, third eye pulsed. Finding cooldown is getting easier too. Used rose quartz again, skipped on table flip, mostly out of forgetfulness and a hurry to get to do some needed tasks.

Results: I've been playing around with other energy techniques in my daily practice, and they all feel as if they've got more oomph, like I'm expanding the ceiling somehow.

Friday, February 9, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 9

Meditation Length: ~19 minutes, 7 minute cooldown

My roommates were all home due to snow, so my meditation was a bit more distracted. Never the less, I managed to focus on the sigil for a good deal of time and only lose concentration laughing once. The rage is getting easier to reach, and visions of fury dance in my head.

Results: I get angry about things I should much more readily. This may sound like being on a hair trigger, but seriously, I often mitigate and under react to terrible stuff.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 8

Meditation Length: 21 minutes, 13 minute cooldown with rose quartz and a table flip.

Focused on sigil and trying to keep a mental focus, singular focus, which is not easy. My eyes rarely blinked, but imagery still flooded my imagination. After a while of rage, it starts to sputter out if I don't reignite it with fuel- things that piss me off. Which is a tricky balance as new fuel to the fire causes the growls and the shakes, which I then have to focus into the sigil however I can and try to bring back into focused fury.

Keeping up with the gratitudes as well. I feel like if I do this right, I won't simply become angrier, but will expand my emotional capacities, so that all my emotions can hit the heights they need to when called upon, or leave me when it's time to be more clear minded.

The table flip sigil has seen more use and is working better. If I stare into it until I get angry, flipping at the peak moment, a lot of anger leaves my system all at once.

Results: I had a really chill day today. No cool weird magic or events to speak of though.


Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 7

Meditation Length: 19 minutes, cooldown 5 minutes and an hour or so of napping.

Didn't get the vibration, but did get shifting colors and I shook so hard my vision blurred. Pretty much fell asleep post meditation while doing the rose quartz meditation cool down.

I feel like, the more I'm practicing, the deeper I may have to go to get the deeper results. I may experiment with letting the rage out into my body on the weekends when I'm better rested, let the shakes and growls take me where they will.

Results: My temper is a little shorter. Started working on daily gratitudes as a sort of counter balance so I don't become too negative. Definitely still feeling it in my skull.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 6

Meditation Length: 18 minutes, 2 minute cooldown with rose quartz meditation

Got this started and trying to get written immediately afterward. Have things to do, so cooldown may need to be minimized.

So, after getting the pineal gland vibration, I tried for it again. Got some major impressions off the sigil as I continued, the first being a brighter, fiery color in the red. The second was the impression the phone was pulling toward me in the second half of the meditation, like it wanted to jump out of my hands. I got the pulling vibration, but it was brief.

Results: I've been getting more and more frustrated at work lately, and I'm wondering if this meditation is effecting things negatively.

I feel like there's something deeper past the vibration in my nose. I'm not sure how I get to it, but I feel as if, keeping the anger mental primes the button, getting the vibration is step two, and step three is... well, we'll see.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 5

Meditation Length: ~15-20 minutes; cooldown ~1 hour nap, 5 minutes of meditation

As a bit of a hack to keep this more mental and reduce the physical, I did the meditation laying on my back. It seemed to help a lot in reducing the growls and shakes.

A get a lot of imagery staring into the sigil, most of it violent and mythological. This time, I got a sense of something deeper behind the sigil, like a fire or power burning behind it, and when I reached mentally for it, I got a throbbing pressure behind my nose- not quite where a usual third eye might go. Not painful, but intense and interesting.

Results: I got pretty aggravated today, frustrated with work issues. That being said, it was like Murphy's Law was chasing people today, a Monday of Mondays, where drops, spills, fumbles, and the like seemed to be almost constant. Not sure if related, but certainly interesting.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 4

Meditation Length: ~17 minutes, cool down 10+

Focused on sigil, expanding list of things that infuriate me. Maintained and reset to 'mental only' several times.

More talking with entities. Essentially being baited into taking less shit and fighting back more, breaking the bindings we place on ourselves.

Calmed down with table flipping, big glass of water, slow meditative breathing while holding rose quartz.

Results: None of note yet.

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 3

Meditation Length: ~12 minutes, 3 minute cooldown

Went out to my car in the evening and focused on the sigil on my phone. I had a much harder time keeping the body feelings in, shaking, growling. Was still hot when I left my car, walked it off a little, still feeling snappy and snarly.

In the meantime, going to be using some rose quartz and meditation along with my table flips to cool down.

Results: A quick talk with an entity afterward essentially confirmed this is something they want me to build up.

My roommates note that these meditations have an effect on my personality, a little more short with things, but not bad or malicious. Will be keeping an eye on it.

Friday, February 2, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 2

Meditation Length: ~16 minutes

Prior to meditation, I cleansed energetically, to keep the rage more purely in tune with myself, not some psychic static of another. I may experiment with setting up some sacred space next time, see if it improves or changes anything.

Focused on the sigil. This time I tried to focus the rage into the mind, not letting it seep into my body too readily. On occasion, I still found myself growling or my breathing changing, but I would simply redirect, allowing the pressure to build into my gaze, my thoughts, my skull.

Somewhere midstream, I shut my eyes in a silent scream that seemed to create a high pitched whistling in my ears.

As it built up, I eventually let the damn burst, growling, roaring, yelling, accidentally scaring the cat (sorry kitty!). My throat hurts a little from all the gutteral noise.

I cut it off just a little after the cat freaked out, thinking about neighbors and such. I think, were I more isolated, I might go a little more bonkers, but for now, I'm exercising caution. I think I will attempt to lengthen this a little more each day, see how far it can go.

Listening to some calming binaurals post meditation, used the tableflip a bunch. There's still a lot of residual body energy, adrenaline and such.

Results: Nothing I've noticed yet, but I'm keeping a look out for any bleed over, feelings of calm from purging, spontaneous combustions, etc.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Do Magick 30: Rage Meditation Day 1

Total time of fury: ~14 minutes

Sat down and stared at the sigil this morning, putting in headphones, but not using the blue noise, as the house was quiet enough that I shouldn't be distracted.

The state itself only took thinking of a few upsetting events and individuals to get burning. The body pretty much knows the way, tightening up, fingers curling, teeth clenched, lips peeled back, hyperventilating and eventually growling like an animal as I shake. Sympathetic nervous system engaged, I keep myself angry and can feel it in my guts- and it hurts a little. Midway it kind of peaks out, breathing so rapid my mouth dries and I have to slow down. I can tell I could keep the state a longer time, but I can also tell this will have a lot of body consequence along with mental.

I think I'll try to keep the state a little longer each day, while trying to refine the action to being more purely mental while I focus on the sigil. Stoke the fury without taxing my adrenaline system excessively, so to speak.

Results: A dog began barking in the middle of it. During my entire December run, I never remember a dog barking. Potentially responding to the vibe I'm putting out?

Earlier this month, I bought a dollar store piece of doll furniture, specifically a table, and emblazoned it with a sigil. It's essentially to be used as a rage sink, so you can 'table flip' safely and feel your anger subside. I think I'm going to try and use that post meditation to ensure I don't bring this stuff with me to work or other social activities.