Jormangundr and Neolithic Shamanism: # Domagick 30 Day Challenge Day 24

I passed out last night, waking up at dawn. Considering my job starts at 11 pm, this could be a problem later. Looking outside, between dark and light, it feels like a good time to do my morning offering.

It's the last of the sea salt jerky and I place it into the seashell with attached bull head and make my way down to the lake. Iormangundr's presence is readily felt.

I trance and pray, casting out my offerings, and then play with intonations- no one is around, so I can pray aloud, and I begin trying out variations of vibrating Iormangundr's name. Tone and pitch seem to be less important than lengthening it out. Once the offering is finished, Iormangundr departs swiftly, so I do as well.

There is a moment as I depart where Iormangundr speaks one last bit of advice to me, something I find hard to share. There are other words and actions I've withheld, for better or worse, but this one is different. I want to share it, even when it frightens me.

I freeze in hesitation when I try to type. I lose the words, because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, of speaking truth I still fear speaking, and finally, skull burning, I type a few more words, creeping toward the end of the paragraph, seeking a space, mentally, where I can say what Iormangundr told me.

"You should be a priestess, not a priest."

I'd started work with Iormangundr not expecting it to lead back to some of my core issues of identity and gender dysphoria. I've spent a lifetime finding new ways to distract myself and try to escape this, shame and fear pushing me further and further, and while the last few years I've been letting down my armor, being myself more, getting the therapy I need, I still hide. Worse, I chastise and punish myself for doing too little, or too much, in essence, for not handling transition and self discovery perfectly. Should I post this? Is it the right time?

I set my fears aside and realize there will never be a perfect moment to come out or to transition, nor will it just be a moment. It will be a battle I fight again and again and again. And this is just one of them.