Jormangundr and Neolithic Shamanism: # Domagick 30 Day Challenge Day 30

On the morning of the final day, it is cold, and the horizon is a bright and beautiful spectrum, like a rainbow wrapping around the world, and I cannot help but feel the mythic resonance of the bifrost.

I cleanse of necessity. Yesterday was the last day at my old residence, evicted, and it was an emotional departure, one I'm still recovering from. So I cleanse physically first, brushing teeth, running water over my skin, washing out my mouth. And then I peel at the metaphysical skin I seem to be shedding, pulling loose all the hurt and pain and discarding it. I know who I am, and while others may help me in exploring that, I cannot allow others to dictate my identity, motivations, and actions. I have suffered mental abuse and I will not, cannot, allow myself to amplify it by being dragged down in a sea of gaslit doubt and misery. I am not perfect, but I am not broken or wrong. I am me.

I take my time in the cold morning air to approach the lake. Rowing teams are out practicing and I laugh and cringe at the idea of the world serpent arriving forcefully. My steps are a slither, winding like a serpent's undulating path, as I intone Iormungundr as I approach. It is slow and purposeful, my voice growing louder as I sit beside the water.

The following is a paraphrase and recollection, done to the best of my memory.

"It has been 30 days, but I know you've been trying to contact me for a decade or more. I thank you for your patience and apologize that it was a challenge, shallow motivation to bring me here. But then again, you appreciate challenges don't you? Victories and contests"

"I thank you for helping me to shed the skin of my old life. Things were not as they meant to be."
I ramble for a while on my life, eviction, the feeling of necessity for a change.

"I thank you for the insights into who I am and who I might be, and insights into the universe."

As I finally give the offering after a long and loving goodbye, I breath upon each piece of food as if it were an ember, letting it light up in my hand before casting it into the water. I do this as I pray, one by one, until the final handful of food. I take longer on this one, three breaths, very long, very deep, until it feels as if it is shaking with power and I have to cast it away.

I incline my head to finish my departure, and a fish leaps, the largest I've witnessed here, enough to startle me- is it here? Is the world serpent present physically? But nothing happens. A passing thought, but by no means a coincidence.

My departure is colder, at first, but Jormangund licks me, as if to complete the cleansing I could not quite do myself, leaving my aura cleaner than before.

***

Before I head inside, I make an offering to Loki, who has been contacting me as well, but was not, technically, a part of this challenge. And I make the offering unbidden, to say what's in my heart.

While I am not perfect, nor do I consider myself a devotee, I will not forget them. The Norse pantheon, and the wider world of spirits and gods, is not one I plan to ignore, and as they are there in my mind, they are a part of me, and in turn, I let them know that I love them, and will not abandon them.

It's been a long 30 days, and while the challenge ends, the relationships I have built remain.

Hail to you Iormungundr, World Serpent, child of Loki and Angrboda of the Iron Wood.

Jormangundr and Neolithic Shamanism: # Domagick 30 Day Challenge Day 29

First two day weekend in a long time. Without work tonight, I feel like I can take a little more time, so I do. I approach the dock, singing, swaying in serpentine motion, intoning Iormangundr as I approach, waiting until the time feels right. I breathe upon my offering as if to light it up and hurl it into the water, where schools of minnows set to devouring it, and I ask the question, respectfully, but in paraphrase:

"Why are you all so starved for attention?"

And the simple answer is because, they are. They are absolutely starved. Certainly there are more followers upon the Earth now then before the modern neo-pagan movement, but they do not receive villages worth of recognition from across Europe. It is a much smaller diet they now have.

So I stay, and I give more attention, and sing, and I pull deep from my reserves the affection and reverence I can give.

There is no manifestation of the world serpent this day, and it is of no consequence to me. I feel as if making the offering, to feed the sparks of magic in hopes that they are one day a blazing flame is manifestation enough for me.

Jormangundr and Neolithic Shamanism: # Domagick 30 Day Challenge Day 28

Colder today. I've been reading over more on Neolithic Shamanism, so I try to throw more reverence into actions. I walk and chant as I approach the lake, I sway as I pray, I breath on the offering as if to bring it to life before hurling it into the waters. It feels well done, appropriate, and connective. I leave and feel no tug to stay.

Until Loki. Loki urgently demands attention, attention I deny as this has become a pattern, entities asking me to stay, but not making clear any reason. It feels more and more like a game of seeing how long they can keep me busy, distracting me, hinting at truths that are never revealed. Not in the mood.

I walk back inside, with my honest thought being, if they want my attention, they can speak to me indoors. Maybe it's irreverent of me, but it's honest.

Jormangundr and Neolithic Shamanism: # Domagick 30 Day Challenge Day 27

Burning from all ends, maybe even the middle. I make my propitiation to Jormangundr without delay when I get home. I pray, I trance and cast the offering, and I say a heartfelt goodbye, but Jorm begs me to stick around. I have to set boundaries and give them three minutes. They ask me to leave my body and to grow, so I do.

As we continue to surge upward beyond the clouds into space, intertwining, the world serpent says stuff I can't repeat. Personal stuff that I don't believe for a second about some people near and dear to me- random stuff. Stuff I won't dignify.

I treat my projection as if it is the true me as I puppet my body back upstairs and write this post hastily in hopes of getting decent sleep tonight.

Jormangundr and Neolithic Shamanism: # Domagick 30 Day Challenge Day 26

And then, someone stabbed me in the back. I sometimes wish people had better intuition or their third eye forcefully opened so they would think twice before messing with me. At my current level of stress, I'm done with second chances and forgiveness. Poke and be poked back.

I bring my offering to Jormangundr quickly, hoping to avoid the fatigued post of yesterday. Today, I offer to use my tongue that Jormangundr might experience taste anchored in the normal time stream, and they accept. I chew the offering thoroughly before spitting it into the lake.

Jormangundr gives me a recommendation, to use the Ior rune to bind the offending party, but I've already cursed their tongue to taste as ash for a while. While at first determined to simply see my spell succeed (after the world serpent implied it would probably fail), upon sitting down to write, I realize I could combine Ior into the same spell, binding their tongue.

Iormangundr has recently been all big scary python type snake, but for a brief instance, I got to see Jormy give a goofy grin when I put two and two together. Good to see a humorous side.

Jormangundr and Neolithic Shamanism: # Domagick 30 Day Challenge Day 25

So, I ran out of salty jerky yesterday, and after a brief prayer, Jormangundr was sick of it anyway. In my quest to find a replacement food, I put myself into a divination mindset and followed my hand, where it wanted to go, finding a big bag of trail mix. Really?

Another little prayer seemed to clinch it, so I bought the trail mix just for offerings.

This morning, I poured the trail mix onto the sea shell altar and pray, sounding out the name Iormangundr long and slow, punctuating the end with another toss of food into the lake. I can feel the presence, letting affection sort of pour out of my heart, and make ready to leave when I am asked to stay.

Jormangundr grills me on my plans, not for moving out, but for after. The world serpent seems to be of the opinion that my current employment distracts me too much from my otherworldly obligations and creative pursuits. I agree, but I have to find something else to keep me afloat before that time.

Lastly, Jormangundr teaches me a protective technique I can use to shield others.

It's a rather productive time, but as of right now,  I really need to sleep.

Jormangundr and Neolithic Shamanism: # Domagick 30 Day Challenge Day 24

I passed out last night, waking up at dawn. Considering my job starts at 11 pm, this could be a problem later. Looking outside, between dark and light, it feels like a good time to do my morning offering.

It's the last of the sea salt jerky and I place it into the seashell with attached bull head and make my way down to the lake. Iormangundr's presence is readily felt.

I trance and pray, casting out my offerings, and then play with intonations- no one is around, so I can pray aloud, and I begin trying out variations of vibrating Iormangundr's name. Tone and pitch seem to be less important than lengthening it out. Once the offering is finished, Iormangundr departs swiftly, so I do as well.

There is a moment as I depart where Iormangundr speaks one last bit of advice to me, something I find hard to share. There are other words and actions I've withheld, for better or worse, but this one is different. I want to share it, even when it frightens me.

I freeze in hesitation when I try to type. I lose the words, because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, of speaking truth I still fear speaking, and finally, skull burning, I type a few more words, creeping toward the end of the paragraph, seeking a space, mentally, where I can say what Iormangundr told me.

"You should be a priestess, not a priest."

I'd started work with Iormangundr not expecting it to lead back to some of my core issues of identity and gender dysphoria. I've spent a lifetime finding new ways to distract myself and try to escape this, shame and fear pushing me further and further, and while the last few years I've been letting down my armor, being myself more, getting the therapy I need, I still hide. Worse, I chastise and punish myself for doing too little, or too much, in essence, for not handling transition and self discovery perfectly. Should I post this? Is it the right time?

I set my fears aside and realize there will never be a perfect moment to come out or to transition, nor will it just be a moment. It will be a battle I fight again and again and again. And this is just one of them.